ON WEB PAGES ON FRUIT FLIES
Question: What does the poor fellow waiting endlessly for a home page to
load up have in common with a fruit fly?
Answer: They are both caught in the web.
Ahhhh, you think to yourself, there is a big difference between the Internet
web and the fruit fly's web. Ahhhhh, I answer back, no there isn't.
Common belief is that the Internet is called the "web" (spiders don't have
a copywrite?) is because of its weblike structure. Each page so logically
links to so many other pages creating a beautiful weblike affect. Is that
true? I think it is a little of an insult to the poor spider to say that
his web is structured like the internet. I don't know about you, but I've
never seen a spider doing a "web search" in order to find where the nearest
exit is. A more probable reason why the internet is called the web is
because of its weblike stickiness which traps the internet user in much
the same way that a spider web traps a fruit fly.
(1)Joey the fruit fly is happily flying towards the sweet smelling apple
tree when suddenly he is caught by an array of sticky threads called the
(2)Joey the local shoe salesman happily clicks on an animated picture of
a hamburger where he is led to a site that says "Sorry we changed servers"
and on to another site which takes 45 minutes to load and is basically a
bigger picture of the animated hamburger with the words "click here for
more info" written underneath. He clicks on the words only to wait another
45 minutes this time to get a full-screen animated picture of a street
worker with the words "Sorry this site is under construction, click here
for a list of other useful hamburger links"... Joey the shoe salesman is
caught in the sticky threads of the Internet Web.
Here is a list of reasons why fruit flies are better than web pages:
1) Fruit flies are fast unlike web pages which take forever to load.
2) Fruit flies have small features unlike web pages which one has more than 256,000 pixels per page.
3) Fruit flies are always there unlike web pages which the server can't
4) Fruit flies only eat fruit unlike web pages which eat up memory (much
5) Fruit flies can multiply 3 generations in the time it takes to load up
one web page
6) You can put up screens to keep fruit flies from coming into your windows
but you can't do anything to stop web pages from ruining your Windows
7) Fruit flies only come in the summer, no one has figured out yet what
makes web pages sometimes load up but not other times
To be fair here are some similarities between fruit flies and web pages:
1) Fruit flies have thousands of offspring, web pages have thousands of links.
(actually, there are many genetic expiriments you can do on fruit flies,
but since there are some -rare- useful links on the internet we'll say
they are equal)
2) Fruit flies are black all over very similar to many web pages
whose background color and text color are too similar and look all one
3) Fruit flies look like a little speck of dirt - most web pages just look like
big specks of dirt
4) Web pages are only annoying if you own a computer, fruit flies are only
annoying if you own fruit
5) You can never find the annoying fruit fly when you have your fly swatter
handy, also, you can never find the URL of the page you are looking for when
you really need it. You can search high and low for that little fruit
fly but he's always one step ahead of you. You can also search high and
low for that web page but there is always one letter in that 32 syllable
URL that is missing.
Here are the ways in which web pages are better than fruit flies (yes,
it is possible)
1) Webmasters always have great big long signiture files which include every
piece of information from their email address to their hair color. Fruit
flies should do the same to distinguish themselves from one another.
2) Believe it or not, fruit flies were the original inventors of SPAM. If
you think getting unsolicited email is something to fret about, try
leaving a peach inside your closed suitcase for 6 months. When you finally
open that suitcase and free 587 fruit fly colonies, then you'll see what
real SPAM is.
3) There is no LABinternet for fruit flies to read
So the next time you see a fruit fly, instead of running straight for your
swatter, stop a moment and think just how much the two of you have in common.